Friday, April 29, 2011

The Royal Wedding, and why I care...

Why do I care? Really, a fat house wife from B.C. who stayed up all night to watch a cadre of over privileged smarmy rich people in ridiculous hats and awkward comb overs.
I really don't know, usually a wedding like this with the show of pomp and pageantry, the over done(ness), the money to burn would start me off on a rant about the poor masses and starving children.


We needed this though, Great Britain and the Commonwealth need something to look forward to. Some show of leadership and protectiveness, some good in a world that seems off the rails.
The unrest and fighting, the poverty, the horrific disasters, we needed a fairy tale. A commoner made good, a Royal with some youth and by all accounts some common sense.


I used to think Charles had it, I was dis- abused of that notion right smartly though when I watched his wedding to Diana. She trembled and fidgeted and he stood tall and cold and before all and sundry, his God, then swore to love honor and cherish her.
We all know how that turned out. What a major disappointment their marriage was, we wanted the fairy tale then too, but Charles was too jealous and deceitful to give it to us.


Oh, I'm not just blaming him; it takes two to have a marriage and the pressure cooker that was their life must have been epic in it's way.
However, never stopping his affair with Camilla and basically robbing the cradle just to get and heir was despicable. He never bargained on how popular and genuinely loved his little bride would become.


At least Phillip didn't pee in the pickles this time. I honestly don't know why the Queen allows him to speak in public. Then there's all the rumors of his affairs and chauvinistic attitude, his unbending hatred of Fergie and Diana, his disappointment in all three of his sons. He looks like a letch eh? You just know he's pinched his share of bums at palace affairs.
It was a giddy pleasure for me to have him sing God Save The Queen while standing next to HRH. Although I guess it's pretty emasculating to have to defer every little thing to your spouse, and walk a step behind her at all times.


I wonder if the Queen sings to herself? God save our gracious ME, long live our noble ME, God save Me...etc..


How about Camilla? I know all is forgiven and everyone seems to have moved on, but really? I noticed a couple times she almost barged in front of Charles, that's a no-no. She was also looking everywhere but at the happy couple in the Abbey. I have a long memory, too long I guess, she'll always be The Rottweiler, the usurping home wrecker to me.


Prince Andrew is still hot, I really like him, have for years, although he needed to wrestle the mascara wand away from his girls.
Princess Anne looked really pretty too, she's grown into her face and she was dressed really nicely in the lavender/green dress and jacket.


A couple things that shocked me, Prince William's hair, or lack thereof, eewww. Shave it off for heavens sake, please don't part it a millimeter above your ear like your dad does.

Victoria Beckham's demeanor (and hat). Smile already, what a sourpuss, you were at the biggest social event of the decade and you couldn't once smile? Just a little?
The hat was described by a columnist (can't remember where I saw it) as a Worther's Original. hehe. How was the dang thing attached? Maybe she was cross eyed by the twig hanging between her eyes? I know it's a fascinator by Mr. Treacy but seriously? Booker Todd thinks it was hung on her horn. Hey, it's what he thinks, not me~ahem.

The bride was a vision, what a great dress, Pippa looked awesome too. Her mum rocked the MOTB look, although again, lose the excessive mascara.


The kisses on the balcony were great so much better than any of the others, and I just loved the carriage rides back to the palace.


The Queen was cute, isn't she cute? Don't you just want to eat her up with a spoon? She's starting to remind me of her mother.

So apparently I'm a closet Royalist, who knew? I just like a good fairy tale. Hopefully this time the wicked step mother ,the lecherous grandfather , and the wanna be will back the Hell off and let these kids live happily ever after.
The End.